My stepsister was, without a doubt, one of the oddest people I had ever known. It’s not that there was anything wrong with her. It’s not that she was a freak. On the contrary; Alyssa was a very intelligent and beautiful girl. But there was something odd about her, something I was never able to put my finger on. It was like she was never really here. Like her body was on auto-pilot while her mind was somewhere else. On a different planet. Sometimes I’d look at her and be so curious to know what she was thinking about. I’d never asked her that question, and I always wondered what she’d say. Would it be some vague answer, like ‘Oh, nothing’ or a normal answer like ‘school’ or ‘this guy I like’? I’m sure it wouldn’t be though. I’m sure she’d blow me away with some complex, philosophical answer. It would annoy me sometimes. Why couldn’t she just be normal like the rest of us?
Her odd behaviors and mannerisms didn’t seem to deter guys, as I would expect them to. It made me jealous sometimes. Most of the guys who I’d been on dates with, had been interested in Alyssa initially. It was only because of her complete disinterest that they then approached me. They flocked to her like bees to honey. And if I was really honest with myself, I had to admit it made sense. She was completely unaware of the effect that she had on people. It was that innocence. It was the way she was always authentic and honest. It seemed to put a spell on guys.

A week ago, our parents announced that we were going to visit Alyssum, an Inn in Blackstone Valley, Providence, that was run by Alyssa’s aunt and uncle, Anna and Nicolas. The Inn’s 15 year anniversary was coming up and they had invited us to stay with them for two weeks during summer. I was surprised to hear that we were actually going. The last time we visited the Inn was six years ago, and mom had made it clear to us that we’d never go back there again. I guess Nicolas had been able to win Dave, my stepdad, over, after which Dave managed to win his wife over. It’s the latter that surprised me. Mom wasn’t easily persuaded at all.
When I heard about this news at first, I wasn’t too excited about it. I had already made a bunch of plans with Jessica, my best friend since kindergarten. But other than that, visiting the Inn wasn’t a problem for me; I actually had very fond memories of the place. I told my parents that I’d go if Jessica could come as well. This enraged mom. She didn’t like Jessica very much. There was even a point when Jessica wasn’t allowed into our house. This lasted for almost three months before my dad was able to talk some sense into mom. Not easily persuaded indeed. But now that it was settled and Jessica could come, I was pretty excited about it. My excitement was nothing compared to Alyssa’s excitement though. She was still the quiet, mysterious girl that she’d always been, but there was a slight change in her demeanor and expression. She was visibly happy to be going back to the Inn. While I didn’t know exactly why she was so happy to be going back, it made complete sense to me. Alyssa was miserable. She’d never tell you, she’d never complain, she’d never ask for anything. But it was very clear to me that she felt very much out of place in New York.

The evening before we left for Providence was a stressful one. Not because it was a stressful situation we were in, but because my mom made it stressful. I didn’t know anyone who could become stressed so easily. After almost 19 years of living with her, I still wasn’t any less desensitized to it.         “Amanda!” She yelled out from upstairs. I hated it when she did that. Why couldn’t she just come down to ask me whatever it was she wanted to ask? “Yes?!” I yelled back. Hypocrite.
“Could you get the blue suitcases from the attic?”
“But I’m downstairs!” I sighed and got up from the couch.
“Never mind! Alyssa’s getting them!”
“Okay!” I sat back down, imagining Alyssa telling her stepmom that she’d do it. Imagining Alyssa going up to the attic, searching for two blue suitcases covered in dust. The last time I was up in the attic, the light wasn’t working. I got up and walked up two staircases to the attic. I passed my mom on the first floor.
“Alyssa’s getting them.” My mom was wearing one of her summer dresses and flats. Her hair was up in a ponytail and her face was bright red. She looked at me, out of breath.
“I know, I’m just going to help.” I went up to the attic and immediately noticed two blue suitcases at the top of the stairs. As I looked around the attic, I spotted Alyssa standing in front of the small window. It was pretty dark up here, as the window was the only source of light. I stood there for a few seconds, and again, I wondered what was going through her mind. She was just staring out the window, standing completely still. Almost like a statue. Her wavy brown locks covered most of her face, as she was turned sideways. Her chest was moving up and down slowly. She had one arm wrapped around her waist. Her elbow leaned on her wrist, while her hand rested against her mouth.

When mom and I first moved into my new stepdad’s house about eleven years ago, I was excited to have a little sister. Alyssa and I were only about a year apart so I was expecting us to become close and play together all the time. I was excited, and so was my mom. I was in awe of their house; it looked like a villa to me. I remember asking my mom if they were rich. To which she answered: ‘They are. But don’t ever say that out loud or ask them about it.’ I understood that saying it out loud would be inappropriate. As I went from room to room, I came across Alyssa’s room as well. I opened the door and saw her sitting at her desk. She looked up and smiled. “Hi Amanda.”    We had met a few times before, and even though Alyssa was much more quiet and shy than me, we got along well. She never said much, but she showed an interest in everything I said and did. Whenever I’d tell her something or suggest to do something, she’d always look at me with those big blue eyes and that sweet smile. I had initially gotten my own room, but I was already sleeping in Alyssa’s room since the day we moved in. At first we shared her bed, and after a few days Alyssa’s dad moved my bed into her room.
Alyssa was very different from any girl I’d ever known. As much as she loved hanging out with me, she also wanted time alone. I quickly found out that she loved drawing, reading and collecting things from the garden. The last one was a weird one for me. She would regularly go into our garden and just look for sticks, leaves or flowers. Especially flowers. She was obsessed with them, and would always have them in her room. It was only years later that I would understand why she did that.
Aside from flowers, she’d bring back other items as well, and add them to her collection on the shelf above her bed. She’d often draw her beloved objects and hang up her creations on the wall. Sometimes we’d go for long walks in the park, because it was one of Alyssa’s favorite things to do. I really liked going to the park as well; it meant that we could play together. And during our time at the park, Alyssa was always very excited and also wanted to play. Sometimes she would want to show me things, like bugs or flowers. It didn’t interest me that much, but I always made an effort to listen to her, as she always listened to me too.
Another type of outing Alyssa loved was going to the zoo. We went at least once a month. It didn’t take long before it drove mom mad. She found it boring and dirty. After a few visits, she let Dave know that she didn’t want to go anymore. Dave explained to her that it was very important to Alyssa, and let her know that they would continue to go without her. They then got into their first big fight. They were only about six months into their relationship at that point. Dave didn’t budge though, and he kept taking us to the zoo once a month. It was clear that mom was still angry about it, because after the first time of Dave taking us without her, she decided that I shouldn’t go with them anymore. At the time, I didn’t understand why I wasn’t allowed to go anymore. The only explanation mom gave was that it was unhygienic and I should be spending my time on other things. In hindsight, I could clearly see that she was only doing it because she wasn’t getting her way. She was very jealous of the bond between Dave and Alyssa, and they continued to have more fights about it. She made me move back into my own room and tried to make me spend less time with Alyssa.
After their first year together, I overheard them having one of the biggest fights ever. I remember mom being hysterical while Dave remained calm the entire time. That moment always stuck with me because it was such an obvious contrast. Mom practically foaming at the mouth, and Dave trying to be rational. He got the last word though, as he made it very clear to her that Alyssa would always come first, and if mom didn’t like it, she could always leave. Those words must have made an impact on her, because her behavior changed significantly after that fight. She became calmer and nicer. I thought this was great. But I soon found out that this was all for show. She would treat Alyssa well whenever Dave was around. But when he wasn’t, she either ignored her or nagged at her. On top of that, she continued to keep me away from Alyssa and started complaining to me about her, almost on a daily basis.
Slowly but surely, her plan worked. Throughout the years, I got more and more friends and eventually Alyssa and I stopped spending any time together. Alyssa continued on with her own hobbies and routines. I sometimes wondered if she missed the bond we used to have. But as we got older, she became harder and harder to read and we grew more and more apart. But even without mom’s interference, we probably would have grown apart anyways. It’s normal to get along when you’re little. It’s when you grow up that personalities start to form, and suddenly you find out that you don’t have a lot in common. And Alyssa and I didn’t have much in common at all. We had the same parents. Well, sort of. We lived in the same house and we had both just graduated high school. Other than that, we were completely different. Alyssa spent most of her time alone in her room; drawing and reading. I didn’t even know if she actually had friends. She never brought anyone home from school and she never went anywhere either. The only place she went to every Saturday, was the zoo. To mom’s horror, the Central Park Zoo was still in our lives. As Alyssa had gotten older, her visits to the zoo increased from monthly to weekly. Sometimes she would go by herself and take the bus. And sometimes Dave would go with her, and they would spend the whole day together. Dave occasionally asked me if I wanted to join them, but I never did, as I was a teenager now and other things were more important. Like shopping, parties and boys. Like I said, we were very different. This zoo-tradition demonstrated the bond between Alyssa and Dave very clearly. I’m sure they didn’t mean to shove it in mom’s face, but nevertheless, it continued to drive mom mad. Whenever Dave would join Alyssa on a Saturday, mom always wanted to do something with me. I went with her most of the time. I rarely had something planned that I couldn’t get out of, and it wasn’t easy to say no to mom. She was an expert at guilt-tripping you.                                                                                                    My relationship with mom was pretty good. We had always been into the same things, which caused us to be more like friends than mother and daughter. As I got older though, I started noticing traits in her that I didn’t like at all. Luckily, most of those traits hadn’t been passed on to me. Mom always seemed bitter. Like she was always mad at the world. Like she was always being treated unfairly. I think she was just incredibly insecure, which probably had to do with my real dad, who left us when I was only a year old. Mom never stopped resenting him and never talked positively about him. It was no surprise that she got angry when he contacted me a few years ago and let me know that he wanted to have a relationship with me. At first, I didn’t really know what to think. I’d only ever heard negative things about him from mom. But after a few visits and lunches, we started to get along. He was my dad after all. We continued to meet up a few times a year, which felt right for both of us. Mom tried to talk me out of it every time dad and I were about to meet up. She’d call him horrible names, and the degrading tone of her voice always shocked me. Her reacting like that was yet another indication of what kind of person she was.

Now that we were going back to the Inn to visit Anna and Nicolas, I hoped mom wouldn’t cause a scene, pick a fight or have a disapproving attitude towards them and the Inn again. I could clearly remember her doing all of those things during each of our past visits. And I hoped she wouldn’t give Alyssa and Jessica a hard time because of what happened between them during our last visit to the Inn, six years ago.

“Alyssa.”
Alyssa turned around, a bit startled.
“Let’s both grab one.” I said, as I started carrying one of the blue suitcases down the stairs. She followed my example.